Accepting Who You Are

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

~ Unknown

My whole life I've always had a school counselor/therapist. At the time, I thought it was just a part of the school system and that everyone had one. I never knew I had a disorder until sometime in middle school. My school counselor told me I struggled with depression and had a social anxiety disorder.

Suddenly, everything started to make sense. Ah ha, that's why I get that weird feeling in my tummy, and feel my face burning up when I had to introduce myself to a class.

I remember switching schools, going into fourth grade, I couldn't even say my name... the teacher had to introduce me.

Presentations were always a struggle for me. I used to lie and say I didn't do my homework so I wouldn't have to present. After class was over and there were no students in sight, I'd admit to the teacher I lied to get out of presenting.

I ended up getting an IEP. It was easier for me to present in smaller groups, and I was less nervous. I enjoy a closer connection.

I'm thankful for my therapists and counselors because they helped shape me. 'Till this day, I enjoy journaling about my emotions and being able to notice patterns. Self-awareness means nothing without action, though. Some ways I decompress are by using those same breathing techniques they taught me; it helped me get into yoga, meditation, and weightlifting. These self-regulating techniques prepared me for whatever life threw at me.

How you react and respond is crucial; it says much more about you.

I used to be embarrassed about my disorder. Things that seemed so easy for others were so hard for me. Simple things made me nervous, such as a large crowd, saying "here" during attendance, introducing myself in a new class, ice breakers, and games at parties. I hated being different, or as I used to say, "not normal".

I learned not to let my disorder define me. After all, disorder just means out of order. Through getting help and taking my healing journey seriously, I've been able to learn what order looks like for me.

I accepted that it was a chapter of my life, and this book, called Life, continues to evolve into the most inspirational memoir I've written.